close... change..

today was good. i had a great time worshiping God today.. standing there in His presence.. i felt God speak to me to find rest in Him.. to spend more time with Him.. tears cascaded down my cheeks.. i always try to hold back my tears, but when u are touched by Him, i guess u cant help it.. =)

i went to church with a different feeling today.. not as a visitor.. coz i know this is where i'll call my 'home' from now on.. and it felt different.. i had to start over. finding new friends.. my new group. and they are a totally different circle of people. i felt inferior inside me. they all look so cool, fashionable, so pro in the things they do.. and i felt so small.. i told myself to shake off this feeling. this is the decision that i've made and it's the right step.. coz i feel this is where i can grow..closer to God.. its hard to accept change as im so used to my previous circle.. the place i grew up with since i was a small lil girl..

and of course, i missed them.. chongs, ong and lee.. the only group where i can really be myself where i tak payah jaga image. where i can be..yes.. be my manja annoying self.. i guess they have accepted that side of me? i hope so! haha.. so many memories.. the good, the bad, the funny, the sad, the shy shy, the embarrassing, the crazy, the lame, the jamming sessions and impromptu song compositions. we'll still get to see each other of course.. but i dont want to have that foreign feeling.. i want to be like 'hi!!'... not 'errr...hi..... dot dot dottt'... i guess it takes effort? and im not really the keep in toucher type of person..

work has taken a turn.. boss decided to change the people we will be assisting.. i'll just commit it to God coz there's nothing i can do about it.. our staff party, or 'dinner and dance' that they call is coming up again.. i dont really look forward to it.. coz i cant really dance.. and i cant be crazy among my colleagues. i just dont know why! i tried to last year.. and even forced myself to drink beer just to loosen up.. but, i just couldnt.. =/

anyways, tomoro is a brand new week. new challenges to tackle. new situations to handle.. things to follow up.. i can do it.. right God? and i definitely look forward to this weekend.. my official last weekend with my lovely comfy sweet friends.. =)

Does Love Exist?

TP asked me this question.. does love exist in this world? of course, we can't include God in this topic coz its totally something else and we all know God loves us! ^^ okok.. back to the topic.. do we have a feeling of love towards someone? or do we have a sense of longing? does longing = love? coz u want someone to be there for u? u do something out of love for someone... because? this got me kinda confused and made me think for a moment.. and i can't come to a conclusion.. haha

today made me realise something.. that i have to let go.. of both that i was holding on to.. coz i think it's impossible.. and now, all the more i'll say it's impossible. i think i've done my part? coz i can only see from my point of view so i dont know where did i go wrong.. and it's not the first time either. im getting tired of this.. i'll just put this case to rest, close the file and tuck it away to collect dust.. i'll let go, and let God.. :)

A good break..

i must say that i had a good break during this CNY.. breaking away from work was really good. eventhough i just had 1 during christmas.. but breaks are always good, dontcha agree? =)

i actually met up with all my different group of friends! church, school, ex-colleague, college.. it's always good meeting up with people.. though sometimes i hate the awkward silences, it's still great to meet! oh wait.. didnt meet up with my candidate.. oh well.. im supposed to forget my candidateS anyways.. *shrugs shoulders* if only it was this simple!

back to work tomorrow and the next public holiday is in May! oh my... 3 months away!! i'll just have to comfort myself that tomorrow is wednesday instead of monday.. its a great feeling! :D

road trip to taiping was good! i was semangat in the morning while waiting for the chongs.. the journey in the car there was fun.. singing all the way. hehe.. first stop was Bidor to eat the duck feet herbal noodle thingy.. love the soup! and we accidentally bought yummy guava from a road side stall coz we were actually posing for a pic.. ahahaha.. next was the zoo.. i must say that it got better the more we walked in.. as in the animals got more interesting.. the weather didnt help though.. it was HOT! it got me sweaty and uncomfortable but i still liked the zoo..

lunch got us a little grumpy as so few shops were open! i think its coz of chap goh meh.. we finally ate char siew fan.. the drink i ordered was so so refreshing after wondering around in the hot sun! i think every person in taiping can tell that the 3 of us are tourists.. we jusr looked so touristy! small bag packs, shoes, camera, caps, sunglasses.. ahahaha.. doesnt it just scream tourist?!

museum was a disappointment.. saw exhibits of fake animals.. excuse me, we just saw real live moving animals 1 hour+ ago at the zoo? final stop was the lake garden.. the trees were so pretty! it just gives u a calm and peaceful feeling.. lied down on the grass for awhile before this ant crawled into my baju.. haha.. played chor dai di and sheryl won every game! grrrr.. decided to leave coz it started to drizzle and the car was quite a distance walk away.. took many pics at there though..

started to feel tired and sleepy while driving back.. sher and misaa helped me wake up and stay focused.. thanks gals..! =) rained really heavily too at 1 point and i prayed for a rainbow quietly in my heart.. guess what, a rainbow appeared! didnt get to see it coz i was driving.. *pouts* upon reaching kepong,i got really tired already till i missed the turning to from sg buloh to kepong.. thank God we found our way coz sher made the same wrong turn before too. reached home safely and was so exhausted.. lousy stamina indeed..

happy to have made the trip! though a short one, it was memorable.. looking forward to the next one and hope it'll be soon... though we will be apart.. =)