close... change..

today was good. i had a great time worshiping God today.. standing there in His presence.. i felt God speak to me to find rest in Him.. to spend more time with Him.. tears cascaded down my cheeks.. i always try to hold back my tears, but when u are touched by Him, i guess u cant help it.. =)

i went to church with a different feeling today.. not as a visitor.. coz i know this is where i'll call my 'home' from now on.. and it felt different.. i had to start over. finding new friends.. my new group. and they are a totally different circle of people. i felt inferior inside me. they all look so cool, fashionable, so pro in the things they do.. and i felt so small.. i told myself to shake off this feeling. this is the decision that i've made and it's the right step.. coz i feel this is where i can grow..closer to God.. its hard to accept change as im so used to my previous circle.. the place i grew up with since i was a small lil girl..

and of course, i missed them.. chongs, ong and lee.. the only group where i can really be myself where i tak payah jaga image. where i can be..yes.. be my manja annoying self.. i guess they have accepted that side of me? i hope so! haha.. so many memories.. the good, the bad, the funny, the sad, the shy shy, the embarrassing, the crazy, the lame, the jamming sessions and impromptu song compositions. we'll still get to see each other of course.. but i dont want to have that foreign feeling.. i want to be like 'hi!!'... not 'errr...hi..... dot dot dottt'... i guess it takes effort? and im not really the keep in toucher type of person..

work has taken a turn.. boss decided to change the people we will be assisting.. i'll just commit it to God coz there's nothing i can do about it.. our staff party, or 'dinner and dance' that they call is coming up again.. i dont really look forward to it.. coz i cant really dance.. and i cant be crazy among my colleagues. i just dont know why! i tried to last year.. and even forced myself to drink beer just to loosen up.. but, i just couldnt.. =/

anyways, tomoro is a brand new week. new challenges to tackle. new situations to handle.. things to follow up.. i can do it.. right God? and i definitely look forward to this weekend.. my official last weekend with my lovely comfy sweet friends.. =)