Woher?

reading my last post, it was the beginning of something in my life.. i cant believe that that beginning of something has already ended now. things change. i still cant believe it. it was my choice. and i have to accept the consequences.. hurt.. pain.. bruised self confidence.. rejection.. i'll just have to swallow it down.. i noticed that i've changed.. my character.. im not so caring anymore. and a tinge rude too.. i guess the saying of what u are feeling inside gets reflected outside is true. i dont like who i am right now. i am at a phase of life that i dont know where im at. looking at other people's lives, they have it all together. their work, studies, future, family, relationships.. when i look at myself, i dont see anything at all. how come gays are so happy together? how come the act of doing something can result in happiness? im trying to get over my situation right now. people advised me to get over it as soon as possible. i agree with them.. i thought i was over it. but im not. i dont wanna tell anyone that im not over it. coz all they can say is get over it. im trying so hard.. i cant turn back time and change things. i only have God and myself in this battle. met a guy last night. he was really charismatic, funny and has amazing self confidence.. and he's gay.. more and more guys that i know are gay.. it's just such a waste.. why? i always ask this question when i meet a gay guy.. why? *writen on 17 Sept 2012*

Wilderness

I'm tired.. i want to get to Heaven.. where there is no pain nor tears.. i dont wanna feel hurt anymore.. or i just wanna go somewhere that i can disappear.. i dont wanna study.. i dont wanna work.. i dont wanna do anything.. sick of everything.. i know God is with me.. i know He loves me.. but im just so tired of going thru situations Lord.. of living life.. of doing what im doing everyday.. what's my purpose? why am i born? i wait for Sunday everytime.. the moment when i can be in God's presence, where all my worries fade away.. but the moment i step back into the real world, these feelings come back.. i want to reflect God's love to others.. i wanna be an example of God's child to others. but with me being like this, how am i going to do it Lord? i just want to get into my car.. and drive on a road that never ends.. just keep on driving till the day im supposed to go back to be with my Heavenly Father.. Wondering around in the wilderness of my life.. where is the path that leads me out? i wanna find it soon.. coz im too tired already.. too tired..