Attention & Acceptance

believe it or not, this is what everyone seeks.. attention from God, ur parents, siblings, friends, boss, colleagues, that person.. was a lil quiet at work today and it was what i noticed today.. this girl trying hard to get the attention of this guy. this guy trying to show how cool is he to this girl.. i dont deny that i too seek attention at times, but, it gets really tiring..

1 hour ago i was smiling to myself, and now, im already feeling down.. how fast can someone's emotions change? its simply amazing.. each time i tell myself no, its just my brain speaking but my heart and fingers dont listen.

didnt go to church yesterday coz i wasnt feeling good since saturday.. the weekend felt strange coz there was no church.. woke up today wondering what day was it.. its so hard for me to fit into this new environment, the new church.. they are just a totally different bunch of people.. i just want to give up sometimes.. being a visitor and a regular are 2 totally different things.. a visitor just looks at the surface.. whereas the regular is a part of the team.. involved in the inside story.

this is nothing right? its not even a problem.. i shouldnt be burdened by this.. its not like im bankrupt or dont have a house to stay in or have no money for food.. its just acceptance.. i want to feel accepted.. part of the team.. thats a really important feeling to have for a newbie..

update

wow.. its been a month since i last posted something? haha.. oppss.. well, there is a reason.. its coz i was preoccupied with something.. a change in my life which i tried really hard to accept.. i had no one to share my thoughts with.. only God.. and i didnt really talk to Him either.. coz i was thinking that it's something i must accept coz its for the happiness of others so no use talking.. till i talked to my cousin, i found out that i dont even know what i was feeling.. till someone called me to talk, that i broke down.. cried on the phone.. haha.. i had been keeping it in. till someone who cared just asked me.. 'so how are u'? and that left me crying for 1 minute, unable to talk.

it got my mind off the candidates for awhile.. but after this phase was over, the thoughts of the candidates came back.. but i think im finally over them.. but new prob has risen. i dont think it'll go anywhere so i should just shove it aside and be myself..

and oh, i went for my friend's wedding! long story.. u dont know how much effort was it just to get my clothes and how much i spent! goshh.. i dont wanna think about that but overall, it was a good night. wished to lepak after the wedding but no one to lepak with.. 1 group has another group of frens.. 1 group loves clubbing.. 1 group stays too far away.. 1 group im no longer that close with.. so? should i find a new group? haha..

i dont know why but i find that i cant focus these days.. dont know how to explain. but im feeling better la nowadays. this friday got Connect Group meeting.. and im undecided.. to join my cousin's Connect Group or join this other lady that invited me to her group.. i know my cousin wants me to join his and i sensed the disappointment when i told him bout the other group.. but, since i dont know them, i should find the group that im more comfortable with right? wait.. i dont know anyone.. thats scary.. reminda me of australia.. oh no... not good.. oh well, i'll just take it positively and look forward to a great weekend! :D